Who is Jack Schitt?

[AllanandJackie]

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack
> Schitt?
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>
> We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack
> Schitt!'
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> Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual
> way.
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> Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
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> Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner
> of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
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> In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple
> produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull
> Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
>
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> Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high
> school dropout.
>
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> After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt
> later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she
> wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe
> Schitt-Sherlock.
>
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> Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
> rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.
>
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> Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were
> inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens
> brothers in a dual ceremony.
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> The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens
> nuptials.
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> The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
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> Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
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> He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
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> Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct
> them.
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> Sincerely,
> Crock O. Schitt
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>